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People.  What I am about to address is NOT one of those "fun" or "lighthearted" topics that we usually like to discuss in the Pre-Essay section.  NO, this is serious business...

As you may know, the HIGH SCHOOL ESSAY is delivered to you via the World Wide Web FREE of charge.  This means is that the organization known as the Christian Comedy Index is subsidizing the cost of this valuable SERVICE so that you, the internet citizen, can enjoy it without "emptying your purse or wallet".

What I am trying to say is... we have changed our minds.  We now DO want you to "empty your purse or wallet".  Come’on, it's worth it... Some have even said the HIGH SCHOOL ESSAY is the only thing that is keeping them "regular" (whatever that means).

Thus, we SADLY announce our new MANDATORY DONATION policy...  We have NO choice if we want to stay in business.  We have mouths to feed... Our web guy, our lawn guy, our financial planner (the last two are the same guy but the payments are still itemized)...   So here we go.

MANDATORY DONATION Instructions:

A. Take out your purse or wallet.

B.  Empty ALL the money out of that purse or wallet.

C.  After opening the Sunday Essay email file, insert your money into the Floppy Drive ('A' Drive) on your computer (Note: Do NOT try to insert money into your CD Drive...  That would be silly!)

D.  If you prefer using our MANDATORY DONATION FAX LINE: Follow Steps 1 & 2 above then Fax your money to 727.398.2825.

E.  If you prefer using Regular Mail: We do NOT recommend that you send CASH via Regular Mail.  Please send us a Photo Copy of the money you are donating and then be sure to completely destroy the original money (the IRS is very strict about this).

F.  For Credit Card Donations: We are offering this as a simple and convenient way of donating...  Follow the SIMPLE steps below:

Step 1: Send us your Credit Card.

 

Step 2:  In a separate envelope, send us your Drivers License and a minimum of 2 other  Credit Cards as proof of I.D.

 

Step 3:  In 3-5 business days we will send you our Credit Card Donation Form.  Please fill out this Form and return it to our office.

 

Step 4:  Upon receipt of the Form we will perform the following standard checks: (a) Check your credit, (b) Call your references, (c) Get a handwritten note from your mom, (d) Try to assume your identity and travel Europe on your tab.

Step 5:  For your protection all items will be returned to you via
Registered Mail.

Whatever method you may choose...  We thank you for the generosity of your MANDATORY DONATION...

 

Thanks.  Bobby Sweezy


ANOTHER OPTION FOR THE POOR
 
The following is OUR RESPONSE to the big uproar over the "MANDATORY DONATION"...

Because many of our loyal readers where concerned about being BANNED for not sending the mandated donation, we are now offering an "alternative" method of payment...

We proudly announce the "I WORK FOR THE CCI" Program!  Now NO one will loose their "Essay Privileges" just because of being POOR. (Note: We like poor people, we really do.  We are poor too!)

Details of the "I WORK FOR THE CCI" Program:

1. You will work for us.

2.  The rest of the details are still "sketchy" (because we really don't work that much.)

3.  If you have IDEAS on how you can work for us, please send them to me at the email below.

4.  We will be in touch...

Thank you for your loyalty.    Bobby Sweezy

Got a good one? Send it to me! Bobby Sweezy