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Hey guys:

I just have to say that the HIGH SCHOOL ESSAY is so refreshing... (especially when I read it with a nice refreshing drink and there is a nice refreshing breeze blowing through my window).  Thanks.
.
Sincerely Yours, Re-Freshed
 

Dear Bobby,

I know you aren't a scientist, per se, but from what I've read about you in various technical journals, you do have some scientific abilities.  I was wondering if you could put those to the test in proving my hypothesis.

FAT ACTIVATION THEORY

Hypothesis:  If you fear the fat contained in your food, it will become activated and will attach itself to your midsection and buttocks.

Discussion:  Fat, in its inert state, is much like a dog.  Dogs have an interesting ability to sense fear in humans and other animals.  If a dog senses that fear in you, he is much more likely to attack.  It is my supposition that fat also has this ability.  If you fear fat as you consume, say, a whole large pizza, it will sense that fear and "attack" your midsection and buttocks.  However, if you do not acknowledge the dangers that fat poses to the human body, it will pass through your system without looking back.

Experiment:  It is necessary to have three groups.
1.  Control group.  This group eats normally.
2.  Fat fearing group.  This group eats nothing but fat, and fears it tremendously.
3.  Brave fat group.  This group eats nothing but fat with no qualms whatsoever.

Thanks for your help in conducting this study.  Maybe your loyal readers will help with the experiment.

Experimentally,
Aaron R.

DEAR MR. SWEEZY:

Since the start of your "HIGH SCHOOL ESSAY" the fan-base has been growing so fast and getting so dedicated that we have assembled into a Christian Comedy Posse.  As part of our patronage, tonight (Saturday) at 10:15pm, 130 of us are meeting at my house in green jump suits and anxiously staying online until the essay arrives in the morning.

The planning committee for our Christian Comedy Posse have already arrived to decorate with your posters and mirror balls is right now making fifty gallons of coffee au-late so that none of the members will be caught napping while the essay is first broadcast.  This is our little way of saying "thank you" for your commitment to quality entertainment.

We will obey,

Mr. Dave (also known at Bobby139)

President of the Christian Comedy Posse

Got a good one? Send it to me! Bobby Sweezy